i wish i was...

...fearless.

"I'm afraid of not having enough time. Not enough time to understand people, how they really are, or to be understood myself. I'm afraid of quick judgements and mistakes that everybody makes. you cant fix them without time. I'm afraid of seeing snapshots instead of movies." -sisterhood of the traveling pants.

the more i grow up the more fears i realize i am having. I'm holding myself back so much in life and even little things because of my stupid little fears. i should just be a careless fun teenager, but i try so hard to control everything and map out my life. well that's obviously not working out, because as i try to figure everything out on my own i realize I'm just trying to change every aspect of my life and change myself into something i am most definitely not and trying to be perfect. i fear of falling for someone but they wont catch me so i try not to fall at all. i fear of what others think of me, even if i don't know the, so ill just sit back and be quiet. i fear what God thinks of me right now as i keep turning my back on him and not listening to Him. i fear my friends will stop being my friends. i fear that i cant really believe in anything anymore. i just wish life came with a big book of secrets, showing me how to get through everything.

a dear friend shared some quotes with me and i really like it... "I think I would really like to see how I die, that way, I know I can survive everything else." ha hmm not sure how that exactly ties in, but whatever, i like it! i want to be fearless, but i guess you cant always get what you want.

love is fearless

My favorite quote, ever :)
To me, “FEARLESS” is not the absence of fear. It’s not being completely unafraid. To me, FEARLESS is having fears. FEARLESS is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, FEARLESS is living in spite of those things that scare you to death. FEARLESS is falling madly in love again, even though you’ve been hurt before. FEARLESS is walking into your freshmen year of high school at fifteen. FEARLESS is getting back up and fighting for what you want over and over again… even though every time you’ve tried before, you’ve lost. It’s FEARLESS to have faith that someday things will change. FEARLESS is having the courage to say goodbye to someone who only hurts you, even if you can’t breathe without them. I think it’s FEARLESS to fall for your best friend, even though he’s in love with someone else. And when someone apologizes to you enough times for things they’ll never stop doing, I think it’s FEARLESS to stop believing them. It’s FEARLESS to say “you’re NOT sorry”, and walk away. I think loving someone despite what people think is FEARLESS. I think allowing yourself to cry on the bathroom floor is FEARLESS. Letting go is FEARLESS. Then, moving on and being alright…That’sFEARLESS too. But no matter what love throws at you, you have to believe in it. You have to believe in love stories and prince charmings and happily ever after. That’s why I write these songs. Because I think love is FEARLESS.

unbreakable like glass.

well you know theres this girl elizabeth alamillo and i just cant get her out of my head. she just makes my day with her brilliant stunning smile, and the way she trips people really just makes my heart melt. i love when she ignores me and texts z**h. its just oh so marvelous haha and i love when she takes me to get sno cones and then oh how could i forget when i give her rides to school in the morning. shes such a dor-- umm i mean cool cat. yeah and we live in the coolest neighborhood together... KENDALL POINTE. KP4L. suck that. yeah so shes like pretty much amazing and i love it when i sneak past mrs. ray and ditch my art table for hers. yeah thats how great our bond is. Unbreakable, like glass. its just oh so amazing and we even have a songg- our song by t.swift. hahahah shes actually reallly really weird and even mean... kinda like a witch but you know shed never show that side to you that just be downright horrible.

don't all good things come to an end?

maybe it wasn't even something good to begin with. what was shared was never right i guess. it's all been a lie up until now and now its crystal clear. i just wish it would end so we could all get on with our lives. this is just like a burden that needs to go. things will be so different if it continues on how i think it will, but hey, God has a plan. i just wish you didnt lie to us for so long.

inspired

So as some may or may not know, I'm Catholic...

I'm not exactly into my religion, It's not that I don't love God, or church or anything like that. It might be because I feel like I can't connect at Church on Sunday, or just because I feel like I am more spiritual than religious. I love God with all my heart, He is my Savior.

As of Wednesday, the Lenten Season (Lent) has started and will last for 40 days. Generally were supposed to give up something that you really like, chocolate for instance, or to do something extra. I don't usually do anything at all... but this year I made a list [ inspired by Lindsey :) ]

15 Goals for this Lenten Season

1. Read the Bible everyday and pray meaningfully.
2. Actually treat others how I want to be treated.
3. Relax and take a deep breath. Stop worrying.
4. Stop procrastinating, do projects/homework A.S.A.P.!
5. Eat healthier and run at least 3-4 times a week.
6. Help out others whenever I can.
7. Buy a journal, and then start journaling whenever possible.
8. Keep my room clean.
9. Be myself, and nothing else.
10. Stop judging; take a walk in other’s shoes.
11. $ave money (for car insurance and camp).
12.Lay off on the sarcasm.
13.Respect and obey mom and dad more.
14.Get my learners permit.
15. Live well, laugh often, and love more.

So here it is, and I hope I can accomplish this things.

(hat's off to you Lindsey :) I just love that list in your room!)

i'm just your ramblin' kind

okayyy;

so last night Eli Young Band was PRETTY amazing :) we started out with some pretty lame-o seats, then we snuck down and we were in the SECOND row! ahhh it was so much fun! I got some pretty cool pictures and at the end of the rodeo they got in the truck, I stood on the first row rail, they came around and I touched and shook hands with all of them! Not to mention got some prettyyyy close up pictures! I had so much fun :) I will definitely not forget that night! but anywhooo alot has been going on latley. I'm just glad I have my friends to stick by. That's what matters most in the end, right? right :) Well my brother just went back to College Station and I'm going to miss him dearly :( BUT I'm super excited because tomorrow... I'm going to start track again, time for some hurdles! So I feel like just rambling on and on...

but like I said: I'm just your ramblin' kind.

The Joys of Epiphanies.

Don't you just love those sudden realizations? Oh boy, I sure do.

these new glasses.

So, I want these new glasses. These glass will show me a new perspective. On everything. I'm tired of the old, so can we please bring in the new? All I want is to make this blurry world clear. These new glasses will show me what's really important and what matters in my life when I put them on. Maybe I could start seeing the good, instead of the bad. Maybe I could see what love really looks like, instead of lust. I just wish that these new glasses were obtainable, but they're just more like wisdom, it seems. Like something I could obtain after many trials and errors. Hopefully someday I could see these things through these lens, but until then I'm just a dreamer.