i wish i was...

...fearless.

"I'm afraid of not having enough time. Not enough time to understand people, how they really are, or to be understood myself. I'm afraid of quick judgements and mistakes that everybody makes. you cant fix them without time. I'm afraid of seeing snapshots instead of movies." -sisterhood of the traveling pants.

the more i grow up the more fears i realize i am having. I'm holding myself back so much in life and even little things because of my stupid little fears. i should just be a careless fun teenager, but i try so hard to control everything and map out my life. well that's obviously not working out, because as i try to figure everything out on my own i realize I'm just trying to change every aspect of my life and change myself into something i am most definitely not and trying to be perfect. i fear of falling for someone but they wont catch me so i try not to fall at all. i fear of what others think of me, even if i don't know the, so ill just sit back and be quiet. i fear what God thinks of me right now as i keep turning my back on him and not listening to Him. i fear my friends will stop being my friends. i fear that i cant really believe in anything anymore. i just wish life came with a big book of secrets, showing me how to get through everything.

a dear friend shared some quotes with me and i really like it... "I think I would really like to see how I die, that way, I know I can survive everything else." ha hmm not sure how that exactly ties in, but whatever, i like it! i want to be fearless, but i guess you cant always get what you want.